Day 8

Today I was supposed to move up another 25mg to get to the 50mg dosage.

I didn't.

I don't have a specific reason beyond not wanting to rock the boat. Nothing I can put my finger on really. I guess I still have the same hangups with simply not wanting all these chemicals in my brain. But I'm also feeling less "spinning" going on in my head. It's not gone, but it certainly isn't crippling me like it was a couple weeks ago.

I do feel tired, though, and have a hard time waking up in the morning. I think it might be the Clonazepam, and when I start thinking about that I begin to really freak out because of all the talk about benzo withdrawals. I literally have to tune my brain off of it and just ride with the flow. Where I was the past few weeks is not a good place. The anxiety and depression... I was really struggling.

I just want to get over this hump. Take the meds for a few months, cope, get back to feeling better, and then wean off. That's my hope. I don't know, though. Sometimes I feel like I've switched the booze at night for the Clonazepam and how do you teach yourself to go to bed at night? I can't command sleep.

I guess I hope with the Sertraline stopping the wheels from spinning I won't need the Clonazepam. And I hope that I'm not setting myself up for some major withdrawls. There. There goes the wheel spinning. How interesting.

Tonight I took 1/2 of the Clonazepam and then another 1/4 because it's been a rough one. The past couple days have been kind of rough. But, according to what I've been reading, with a good week behind me, my levels of Sertraline should be pretty decent. So as much as I have a distaste for benzos, I do wonder if they've helped me avoid some of the panic and anxiety this first week of meds. As much as I tell myself I want to wean off the Clonazepam, I will stick with it, and I will do my best to get up to 50mg of Sertraline in the next day or so.

I think I can, I think I can.