Day 17

I feel like I've been on Sertraline/Zoloft longer than 2 weeks and a couple days. Time wanders without indicating where it is going.

I'm still on 25mg.

I'm not taking the Clonazepam anymore. I weaned myself off it a few days ago. I think I'm on about day 5 without it, but looking at the calendar, I haven't been the best judge of time.

How did I wean myself off of Klonopin/Clonazepam? If anyone ever reads this, I know it is an area of interest to some. I was concerned about addiction and withdrawal. Concern is actually a light word. It was a source of anxiety for me. It heightened my concern that I hadn't bumped up to 50mg of the Sertraline/Zoloft prior to weaning from the Klonopin/Clonazepam first. My psych thought that the Zoloft would kick the Klonipin aside, and my need for it would be reduced or diminished at the 50mg dosage. He didn't think I'd have any issue getting off it, withdrawal-wise.

I'm not saying I'm smarter than my doctor, but I didn't 100% trust his idea of abrupt discontinuation. And if weaning (prior to scheduled) eased my mind, it shouldn't be an issue.

So here's my little "bit" about the Clonazepam:

I started at 1/2 pill, went up to 1 pill, and maxed out one night taking 1.5 pills. The 1.5 was a bit too much for me. This was all prior to Sertraline. Once on the Sertraline, I didn't intend to go over 1/2 pill, concerned that the combo might be too strong.

This worked for me. I had very little side-effects to the Sertraline, besides some tummy upset (gas, gas and more gas). I slept at night pretty well the first couple nights, but then did have some difficulty after that. I started taking the Clonazepam a bit earlier (5pm one night), to try to have it kick in by 10:30pm. It seemed to be working, I was sleeping earlier. Having a hard time getting up in the morning, but getting to sleep wasn't so bad.

How I weaned: Basically instead of taking the 1/2 pill, I took a 1/4 pill for about 3-5 days. I should have probably been more precise about what I did, and I'm trying to do that now. I didn't think it would really matter, but I really didn't want to deal with any ill-effects from suddenly quitting.

I can't say I had any side-effects, but I can say what I miss: Not having a panic attack when I tuck in for the night. Getting to bed at an earlier hour. I miss those things.

I don't miss taking a pill each night and worrying about being addicted to it. Although, admittedly, my body's dependence on Zoloft is increasing every day I pop that sucker into my mouth, so whatever.

My mind is a bit cloudy. I don't know if that's from the wear-off of Clonazepam, or the set-in of Sertraline. The Sertraline seems to have continued to keep me on a more even emotional plane, but my nights are a bit difficult. Trouble getting to sleep. Issues with feelings of panic and dread when I'm tucking in to go to sleep. The Sertraline isn't kicking that. Booze and Clonazepam does.

So, I don't know.

I don't know if I will up the Sertraline and see if that is the trick, or if I'll wait it out and see if the 25mg will do it if I continue. Or if I go back to the Clonazepam.

Right now I've got a lot on my plate, and in my life. I can't discount that it is normal to have concerns and normal to think about them. Not so normal to have them run around your head like a hamster on crack, incapable of making a decision, contemplating driving your car off the road, insomnia.

I'm functioning better than I normally do, despite multiple family concerns, stress, and fatigue. But I also feel a bit numb and spacey. That's probably better than agitated, homicidal, insane, though.